My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
