My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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