Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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