I cannot find my penis.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
