He is an equal opportunity slut.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
