I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is my gift to your gina
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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