someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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