Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
