you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
