And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
