Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
