get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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