Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
