so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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