so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
