I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
