So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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