He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
