I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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