Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
