so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
