Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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