I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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