It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
