So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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