I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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