im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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