I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am available for nakedness
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
