the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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