I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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