My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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