Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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