I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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