i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i barfeds in our rink
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
