It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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