she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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