Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
