you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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