His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
