hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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