We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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