There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
