I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
