I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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