dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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