I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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