Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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