i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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