I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
