9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
