well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
