ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
