that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
