The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
