You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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