worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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