he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
