I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
