why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
