The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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