You really coming over, don't trick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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