I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...