Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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